What My Bones Know: A Memoir of Healing from Complex Trauma
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- Create Date：2022-04-08 06:51:41
- Update Date：2025-09-07
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- Author：Stephanie Foo
- ISBN：0593238109
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Summary
A searing memoir of reckoning and healing by acclaimed journalist Stephanie Foo， investigating the little-understood science behind complex PTSD and how it has shaped her life
"Every cell in my body is filled with the code of generations of trauma， of death， of birth， of migration， of history that I cannot understand。 。 。 。 I want to have words for what my bones know。"
By age thirty， Stephanie Foo was successful on paper: She had her dream job as an award-winning radio producer at This American Life and a loving boyfriend。 But behind her office door， she was having panic attacks and sobbing at her desk every morning。 After years of questioning what was wrong with herself， she was diagnosed with complex PTSD--a condition that occurs when trauma happens continuously， over the course of years。
Both of Foo's parents abandoned her when she was a teenager， after years of physical and verbal abuse and neglect。 She thought she'd moved on， but her new diagnosis illuminated the way her past continued to threaten her health， relationships， and career。 She found limited resources to help her， so Foo set out to heal herself， and to map her experiences onto the scarce literature about C-PTSD。
In this deeply personal and thoroughly researched account， Foo interviews scientists and psychologists and tries a variety of innovative therapies。 She returns to her hometown of San Jose， California， to investigate the effects of immigrant trauma on the community， and she uncovers family secrets in the country of her birth， Malaysia， to learn how trauma can be inherited through generations。 Ultimately， she discovers that you don't move on from trauma--but you can learn to move with it。
Powerful， enlightening， and hopeful， What My Bones Know is a brave narrative that reckons with the hold of the past over the present， the mind over the body--and examines one woman's ability to reclaim agency from her trauma。
"Every cell in my body is filled with the code of generations of trauma， of death， of birth， of migration， of history that I cannot understand。 。 。 。 I want to have words for what my bones know。"
By age thirty， Stephanie Foo was successful on paper: She had her dream job as an award-winning radio producer at This American Life and a loving boyfriend。 But behind her office door， she was having panic attacks and sobbing at her desk every morning。 After years of questioning what was wrong with herself， she was diagnosed with complex PTSD--a condition that occurs when trauma happens continuously， over the course of years。
Both of Foo's parents abandoned her when she was a teenager， after years of physical and verbal abuse and neglect。 She thought she'd moved on， but her new diagnosis illuminated the way her past continued to threaten her health， relationships， and career。 She found limited resources to help her， so Foo set out to heal herself， and to map her experiences onto the scarce literature about C-PTSD。
In this deeply personal and thoroughly researched account， Foo interviews scientists and psychologists and tries a variety of innovative therapies。 She returns to her hometown of San Jose， California， to investigate the effects of immigrant trauma on the community， and she uncovers family secrets in the country of her birth， Malaysia， to learn how trauma can be inherited through generations。 Ultimately， she discovers that you don't move on from trauma--but you can learn to move with it。
Powerful， enlightening， and hopeful， What My Bones Know is a brave narrative that reckons with the hold of the past over the present， the mind over the body--and examines one woman's ability to reclaim agency from her trauma。
Reviews
Bethany Kelly
，
Easily the best book on trauma I have read （and I've read a LOT）。 So many trauma books are clinical and it makes it difficult or impossible for someone who has experienced trauma to read or relate （looking at you。。。The Body Keeps the Score）。 This book straddled the line between memoir and education very well。 The story the author tells creates an emotional connection， while the author's background as an investigative journalist allows her to write about the science and reality of trauma and the Easily the best book on trauma I have read （and I've read a LOT）。 So many trauma books are clinical and it makes it difficult or impossible for someone who has experienced trauma to read or relate （looking at you。。。The Body Keeps the Score）。 This book straddled the line between memoir and education very well。 The story the author tells creates an emotional connection， while the author's background as an investigative journalist allows her to write about the science and reality of trauma and the various therapies in an educational way that is easy to absorb。 I LOVED the scenes with her therapist。 I have and will continue to recommend this book to all my friends who have experienced trauma。 It's very relatable。 The first part of the book is hard to get through if one has experienced violence as a child， but stick with it as the author takes you on a journey of healing that is informative， hopeful and also realistic！ 。。。more
Keren Krinick
，
What My Bones Know was an excellent， insightful and eye-opening memoir。 It certainly made me more aware， empathetic， sensitive and considerate towards adults， emerging from a traumatic childhood。 Well-developed and compelling， I applaud Stephanie Foo for her struggles， wins and investment in her well-being。 Thank you NetGalley， publisher and author for the copy for review。 All opinions are my own。
Maria
，
A beautiful painful agony and reality。。。 gem of a novel。。。I felt so emotional reading this。。。Wanting to give it 25 stars wouldn't be enoughA book that needs to be read by all。Breathless Bunch of Words explode from the page into my mind and heart。。。Thank you for this book， this gift。 A beautiful painful agony and reality。。。 gem of a novel。。。I felt so emotional reading this。。。Wanting to give it 25 stars wouldn't be enoughA book that needs to be read by all。Breathless Bunch of Words explode from the page into my mind and heart。。。Thank you for this book， this gift。 。。。more
Candace
，
Hard to rate this one！ The beginning can be hard to read and she puts a disclaimer about it at the beginning （abuse is triggering， even for someone who has not experienced that）。 When I read the middle， I wanted to rate it 3 stars and just powered through （although didn't want to give it a 3 because obviously she's really putting herself out there with this and it is well written， just not sure if it's my kind of book）。 It was frustrating to watch her go through self-destructive patterns。 But th Hard to rate this one！ The beginning can be hard to read and she puts a disclaimer about it at the beginning （abuse is triggering， even for someone who has not experienced that）。 When I read the middle， I wanted to rate it 3 stars and just powered through （although didn't want to give it a 3 because obviously she's really putting herself out there with this and it is well written， just not sure if it's my kind of book）。 It was frustrating to watch her go through self-destructive patterns。 But the last few chapters are actually really great and I feel like I would like to reread those chapters （which is how something earns a 5 for me）。 So I averaged it to 4。 And now that I've finished it， I'm pretty sure that's exactly how it's supposed to read。 For my friends who pay attention to this sort of thing - lots of f-words， some drug use， obviously violence because it's about abuse。 。。。more
Elli
，
With no hyperbole at all， this might be the most important book I've ever read and ever will read。 I've had my C-PTSD diagnosis for a long time and was really curious about this book when I heard about it - not a lot of people have written about it in a way that was particularly helpful or meaningful to me， a plight Stephanie Foo mentions as well。 C-PTSD is woefully understudied， especially in women。I got through the first 3/4ths of this book with an invested comradery。 Stephanie's childhood is With no hyperbole at all， this might be the most important book I've ever read and ever will read。 I've had my C-PTSD diagnosis for a long time and was really curious about this book when I heard about it - not a lot of people have written about it in a way that was particularly helpful or meaningful to me， a plight Stephanie Foo mentions as well。 C-PTSD is woefully understudied， especially in women。I got through the first 3/4ths of this book with an invested comradery。 Stephanie's childhood is profoundly different from mine on many levels， but the aftermath was something I found extremely familiar to my own experience， and I read on with a steady "oh yeah， wow， that's really validating。 Wow， yeah， it's so nice to hear this from another person。"I can only assume that what happened next was that I suddenly found myself mirrored on the pages directly， at one of Stephanie's hardest points， a point that up until now， I had thought was just "fine。" Not my best， but fine。 The reality though is that I spent the last quarter of this book having to take regular breaks to go cry and drink water and blow my nose and try to clear out the snot building up in my sinuses because I had never been so abruptly confronted with my own feelings， and certainly never with the possibility of hope。 In the span of what was literally five minutes， I went from passively observing Stephanie go through steps I had gone through as well， to suddenly ugly crying because oops， I had most certainly NOT processed this specific thing， and oh no， maybe I am not THAT fine。 I have not felt hope in a long time， only a begrudging acceptance of what my life would likely be。 I couldn't tell you specifically why this book unlocked something; there are numerable things to love about it， from Stephanie's beautiful writing and storytelling to the weaving narrative that never drags， but I couldn't tell you what specifically made my brain screech to a halt and yell incessantly。 I'm just so incredibly and profoundly glad that it did， and so grateful that she put her energy into creating this excellent thing。 。。。more
Hope
，
Definitely go audio for this one。 In the last part there are clips from her therapy sessions and it was really fascinating to hear as it happened。 I really liked the way she structured it - it's a memoir， but there's a lot of research in the second half as she tries to figure out everything about herself in relation to her trauma。 You are on the journey with her and it just really worked well。 Fabulous listen Definitely go audio for this one。 In the last part there are clips from her therapy sessions and it was really fascinating to hear as it happened。 I really liked the way she structured it - it's a memoir， but there's a lot of research in the second half as she tries to figure out everything about herself in relation to her trauma。 You are on the journey with her and it just really worked well。 Fabulous listen 。。。more
Katie Farrey
，
A healing and important read if you also have CPTSD。 It put names to so many experiences I have had， and it is so comforting to hear that others have had those difficulties as well。
Never Without a Book
，
Unconcerned and not all pulled together thoughts。Can I openly state that some people shouldn’t have children。 Y’all！ reading about the abuse Foo went through has me raging！ like wtf！Both of her parents abandoned her when she was a teen and the physical and verbal abuse she dealt with from her mother and what other family members had to say about her is unbelievable。 No abuse is okay， and my sympathy radar was at 1% for this woman because I’m thinking she had a rough childhood blah blah， but as I Unconcerned and not all pulled together thoughts。Can I openly state that some people shouldn’t have children。 Y’all！ reading about the abuse Foo went through has me raging！ like wtf！Both of her parents abandoned her when she was a teen and the physical and verbal abuse she dealt with from her mother and what other family members had to say about her is unbelievable。 No abuse is okay， and my sympathy radar was at 1% for this woman because I’m thinking she had a rough childhood blah blah， but as I continue to read what she does to her daughter， I threw that shyt out the window this woman is TRASH！！！！！I…。 Foo’s entire parent/ growing up situation is WILD af！For example， the day before mother marries her father， Foo’s father found out that her mom had a 2-year-old daughter from a previous relationship。 Foo later searched for her half-sister and no one in her family couldn't remember her name。 Like what？！ I had a bit of hope for her dad but he ain't shyt either （booooo tomatoes tomatoes！）Years later after her parents’ divorce， Foo decides to live with her dad who in turns abandons her to live with his “friend”。 Come to find out this “friend” is his new wife and he raises her children as though they are his own but abandoned his own blood。 WTF！！！There is so much more that happens but OMG the trauma this woman is dealing with to this day is heartbreaking。 。。。more
Courtney
，
Listened to the audiobook。
Jennifer
，
Successful， smart and talented journalist Stephanie Foo was living with undiagnosed Complex PTSD and didn't realize that the condition affected every aspect of her life， including work and relationships。 After her diagnosis， she took time off work to research C-PTSD and heal from the trauma of abuse， abandonment and manipulation she experienced as a child。 I appreciated the author's tenacity at finding answers。 She never gave up on research and remains committed to healing。 The book offers dozen Successful， smart and talented journalist Stephanie Foo was living with undiagnosed Complex PTSD and didn't realize that the condition affected every aspect of her life， including work and relationships。 After her diagnosis， she took time off work to research C-PTSD and heal from the trauma of abuse， abandonment and manipulation she experienced as a child。 I appreciated the author's tenacity at finding answers。 She never gave up on research and remains committed to healing。 The book offers dozens of possible therapy solutions。 But many are unavailable or too expensive for common folk without the author's connections。 I did appreciate some of her insights。 For example， seeing and celebrating progress， even if it's "small。" And taking time to focus on feelings and give them a voice rather than hiding。 It takes bravery to write a transparent book like this one。 While I'm glad the author is finding answers， I found the book a bit research-heavy and wiki-like in places， and I never connected emotionally with the author or felt invested in her success。 。。。more
Pam
，
4。5 Excellent memoir about complex PTSD that also included important research for people not in the field。 I definitely cringed when she met with shitty therapists since I’m a trauma therapist。
Lauren Fanella
，
3。5⭐️
Robyn
，
As a memoir， this is an easy five stars。 But。。。 it's not *quite* a memoir。 At least， not 100%。 Given the incorporation of research included here， there are a few places where I wish that the author just took a few extra steps to round the corner to help provide more context for readers who may relate to these experiences。 Critiquing a memoir on the basis of what occurred is not helpful （I mean， that's just what happened）-- but most people reading this will not get free therapy （discounted from $ As a memoir， this is an easy five stars。 But。。。 it's not *quite* a memoir。 At least， not 100%。 Given the incorporation of research included here， there are a few places where I wish that the author just took a few extra steps to round the corner to help provide more context for readers who may relate to these experiences。 Critiquing a memoir on the basis of what occurred is not helpful （I mean， that's just what happened）-- but most people reading this will not get free therapy （discounted from $400 an hour; not paneled by any insurance company） from a life-changing clinical psychologist on the basis of their public radio cred。 This is what happened here， and that is okay。 However， again， given that there is a little *more* than a memoir happening here， and given that I think the author is trying to generate hope with this story， I do think pulling in a little more information about what treatment is and how it works and what clinical research says about what works and what can be done in a mental health system that sucks might still be within the scope of this book。 If this was considered， it is possible that this felt， to the author or publisher， that it might accidentally verge on giving psychological advice， which is obviously not appropriate here。 But I do think there is tender， delicate room to unfold a little more on this topic for readers who may need it。 。。。more
Malij
，
I learned about this book through a CPTSD recovery subreddit and the timing could not have been more perfect。 I have a PTSD diagnosis， and an informal C-PTSD diagnosis。 Prior to beginning reading this book， I'd gotten to a place in my recovery where I felt like I was no longer benefiting from therapy and I needed something different。 Stephanie Foo's book helped me to confront my decision to put my certain areas of my life on hold while I recover from C-PTSD。 I'm now imagining what it could be li I learned about this book through a CPTSD recovery subreddit and the timing could not have been more perfect。 I have a PTSD diagnosis， and an informal C-PTSD diagnosis。 Prior to beginning reading this book， I'd gotten to a place in my recovery where I felt like I was no longer benefiting from therapy and I needed something different。 Stephanie Foo's book helped me to confront my decision to put my certain areas of my life on hold while I recover from C-PTSD。 I'm now imagining what it could be like to instead allow myself to live and love with C-PTSD。 Realistically， for most of us， C-PTSD will be a lifelong sentence。 In a strange way it was comforting being able to accept that as I witnessed Stephanie's courage to do the same。 There were times where I felt jealous of Stephanie's relationships because I have not yet experienced the kind of unconditional love that Stephanie shares with her partner and her friends。 I admire her courage to show up imperfectly in her relationships and her ability to be vulnerable with her loved ones。 As a child of immigrants， I truly appreciate how she documented her experience of growing up with multiple cultures。 。。。more
Debby
，
This book taught me so much about mental health。 Stephanie Foo is amazing！ The beginning was difficult to get through but， I promise you that if you do， you won't regret it。 This book taught me so much about mental health。 Stephanie Foo is amazing！ The beginning was difficult to get through but， I promise you that if you do， you won't regret it。 。。。more
Tina
，
I absolutely loved this book。 This is my favorite memoir ever。 At first I thought this would be a memoir like the Glass Castle， where you read all this horrendous abuse of the author and wonder how they lived through it。 And trigger warning， it's really bad。 During the description of her abuse， I at one point had to put down the book and my heart was racing。 I actually stopped reading it for at least a day。 But I am so glad I picked it back up。 This book is really about her healing journey and h I absolutely loved this book。 This is my favorite memoir ever。 At first I thought this would be a memoir like the Glass Castle， where you read all this horrendous abuse of the author and wonder how they lived through it。 And trigger warning， it's really bad。 During the description of her abuse， I at one point had to put down the book and my heart was racing。 I actually stopped reading it for at least a day。 But I am so glad I picked it back up。 This book is really about her healing journey and her determination to heal from her wounds and love people around her unconditionally。 At the end she gets married and writes loving notes to every person who attends the wedding， a basic love fest。 I wish I had thought of this at my own wedding years ago！ Bravo， excellent book and a example of a tremendously inspiring healing journey。 。。。more
Jess Stamelman
，
Incredible and inspiring
Robyn
，
Omg。 6 stars！！！！ I listened to the audiobook。 The last chapters were amazing， getting to hear Stephanie and “Doc。” I cried happy tears。 So much resonated with me that I am going to need the physical copy so I can annotate and go over parts of this book。 What a truly wonderful person Stephanie is to share so much of herself and what she has learned on her complex trauma journey。 I can’t recommend this book enough。
Cristina C Muffly
，
Powerful story of the hard work that goes into healing from complex trauma。
Robyn
，
This book is extremely powerful。 If you are interested in mental health and the messy， vital， painful beauty that is being a person - read this book。
Susie
，
This is like a much more accessible， personal， and frankly hopeful version of The Body Keeps the Score。
Jessica Jeffers
，
I don't even know where to begin other than to say that this might be the best memoir about trauma that I have ever read。 And， y'all， I have read a lot of memoirs about mental health。 If you had asked me a week ago， when I picked this book up from the library holds locker， if I would find so much to relate to in the story of a young woman who had immigrated from Malaysia and was later abandoned by parents who blamed her for their marital strife while swinging golf clubs at her head， I probably w I don't even know where to begin other than to say that this might be the best memoir about trauma that I have ever read。 And， y'all， I have read a lot of memoirs about mental health。 If you had asked me a week ago， when I picked this book up from the library holds locker， if I would find so much to relate to in the story of a young woman who had immigrated from Malaysia and was later abandoned by parents who blamed her for their marital strife while swinging golf clubs at her head， I probably would have said no。 But there is so much about Stephanie Foo's response to trauma and her therapy journey that reminds me of my own。 Foo writes with a great deal of insight and self-compassion about the process of trying different therapeutic approaches to treating her complex PTSD， which is a unique diagnosis when the trauma is repeated over a period of years （as opposed to isolated incidents， such as war， the way we often think of PTSD）。 Because she is a journalist by trade， Foo presents these different approaches with a certain level of attachment。 She explains what they are and how they are supposed to work， leaning heavily on research and often speaking with practitioners of these therapies。 But because she is also a storyteller by trade， she also thoughtfully explores how various approaches did and did not help her and what she learned along the way。 She also spends a great deal of time exploring cultural factors that may have impacted her parents and exacerbated her trauma。 She does it all with a sense of hope that things can get better—for her， and for others。 This is by no means an easy book to read， but I highly， highly recommend it to anyone struggling to process hard shit that's happened in their life。 Foo's insight helped me draw connections between things that happened to me as a child and the behaviors I exhibit today。 She helped me reframe some of my experiences as not just "shitty parenting" but actual traumatic events。 Even though my therapist has described certain events from my life as traumatizing for years， it didn't click for me just how traumatizing they were until I read about similar events in Foo's life。 I recognized some of my own patterns as dissociation。 And， most importantly， Foo presented some new tools that I hope can help me find more peace in my own journey。 I'm so grateful I read this book。 。。。more
Angela
，
10 stars out of 5。 I read this book and turned around and immediately listened to it。
Cherie Ng
，
A transformative memoir about complex PTSD and it is often culturally unacceptable within Asian families to talk about feelings。 Stephanie Foo offered some powerful insights into childhood abuse as well as intergenerational trauma， and how she endeavoured to rise above it to understand that she was worthy of unconditional love。 The part where she had to converse with her younger self during EMDR therapy left big fat tears rolling down my cheeks。 Many of the scenes were hard to digest （and I shou A transformative memoir about complex PTSD and it is often culturally unacceptable within Asian families to talk about feelings。 Stephanie Foo offered some powerful insights into childhood abuse as well as intergenerational trauma， and how she endeavoured to rise above it to understand that she was worthy of unconditional love。 The part where she had to converse with her younger self during EMDR therapy left big fat tears rolling down my cheeks。 Many of the scenes were hard to digest （and I should’ve known， because of course trauma books are supposed to be hard to read）， but it’s a story that stays with you long after you’ve turned the page。 Not a lot of writers can balance being honest and raw while making it well-researched and informative， but Stephanie Foo did just that。 。。。more
Lori Ann
，
I have so much sympathy for Foo’s childhood， and so much respect for how well she was able to hold herself together and climb her way out of the damage she carried。 She’s an alumn of This American Life， and I love how fully she researches her situation and tries everything to help herself。 Her will power is a marvel。
Shelby
，
I wish I could give this book 100 stars！
Andrea
，
Excellent memoir by Stephanie Foo about recovering from her abusive childhood。 I am a fan of Stephanie after getting to know her via journalism and reporting on the programs "Snap Judgment" and "This American Life。" I admire her candidness in sharing her story in the hopes it will help others who have complex PTSD。 A story of perseverance and healing。 Excellent memoir by Stephanie Foo about recovering from her abusive childhood。 I am a fan of Stephanie after getting to know her via journalism and reporting on the programs "Snap Judgment" and "This American Life。" I admire her candidness in sharing her story in the hopes it will help others who have complex PTSD。 A story of perseverance and healing。 。。。more
Adrienne Blaine
，
Leave it to a radio journalist to put together a stellar audiobook complete with sound clips from her own therapy sessions。 I can’t imagine how much this book would mean to someone diagnosed with complex PTSD。 But I would have to think a whole heck of a lot based on Stephanie Foo’s review of the existing literature， which seems to frame individuals with CPTSD as burdens to those around them。 But as Foo learned on her own mental health journey， CPTSD can be someone’s “superpower，” the thing that Leave it to a radio journalist to put together a stellar audiobook complete with sound clips from her own therapy sessions。 I can’t imagine how much this book would mean to someone diagnosed with complex PTSD。 But I would have to think a whole heck of a lot based on Stephanie Foo’s review of the existing literature， which seems to frame individuals with CPTSD as burdens to those around them。 But as Foo learned on her own mental health journey， CPTSD can be someone’s “superpower，” the thing that makes them “a little badass。” I got a lot out of Foo’s story as a memoir about healing and tracing the roots of trauma not just within ourselves but in our families， communities and society at large。 I grew up in the same area as Foo in California， and I learned more about the dynamics at play in our local schools and communities。 But even beyond being a memoir， it’s packed with important information and I think it could be a valuable resource for people working in communities affected by CPTSD， like teachers and social workers。 But really， I would recommend this book to just about anyone。 There are graphic descriptions of verbal and physical abuse， so please proceed with caution。 Foo notes up front that her story has a happy ending and I’m grateful that she shared it with us all。 。。。more
Kathryn
，
I loved that the author narrated the book herself。 Would recommend this book。
Em H。
，